Some years ago I argued that life must end in an eternally expanding universe. That was the good news. In a universe dominated by a cosmological constant things are as bad as they can possibly be. During this lecture I will discuss the future of computation and information processing, the future of galaxies and large scale structure, the future of observational cosmology, and finally, the future of matter. Until the latter is considered, the news is all bad. However, I will end on a bright note: Even if protons ultimately decay, diamonds will be forever.